Hello,
all of a sudden I remembered that I didn't post my showreel here. So about time!
I got it a month ago, it's a feel good one. Have a look for yourself :D What do you think?
Photo from the episode when I met amazing Kari Schibevaag in Lofoten.
The video photo is from the live talkshow I hosted with Anders Lier, Silvija Seres and Elin Nørve as guests.
You might think it looks weird or too small but guess what, I'd love to spend some time living in this house for a period of time. I'm not of high maintenance, in a matter of fact I'd either like to live on a small scale or I'd prefer a castle. Nothing in between. Bring this concept to Norway, please!
So here I am, sipping on my Chaga Tea, which I carefully prepared for like 50 minutes.. (yeh, i know it sounds like a hassel but it’s actually ok when you get into it) Chaga has been in the back of my mind for 10 years but from this day and everyday I'm gonna manifest my thoughts. Let get on with the habit of drinking a cup of chaga every singel day(mostly)
Not sure what took me so long but better late than never, no?
It's not too bad really. To be honest after my opinion it tastes rather good( but lets mention that I’m used to eating healthy things with a taste of bitterness. It's sort of the same flavour and texture like espresso. It feels and looks the same too when drinking it allthough its way more beneficial.
The reason why I finally give into this habit is because Tim Ferriss says it lights you up like a Christmas tree and Shawn Stevenson from the Model Health Show never goes a day without it. According to all health gurus Chaga is the shit. It's the king of all foods. It's a must to consume it if you're a person who cares about yourself, mind and body alike. It's apparently a true magic wonder mix.
Research claims Chaga is even preventing and treating cancer and tumours and its boosting your immune system like crazy. It' got high amount of antioxidant and melanin. So I guess my skin, hair and nails are gonna look smoooth in a few weeks..
Oh but you might think what the heck is this Chaga? It’s a mushroom! It's a mushroom growing on birch trees in the wilderness of Skandinavia, North America, Canada and Russia. Its been used for thousands of years for medicinal purposes. So no doubt there is something too it. Chaga needs boiling in order for us to break down and infuse all the godness into our cells.
Fun fact, we share 50 % of our DNA with Mushrooms...
Tomorrow I'll add in a photo with me and my chagaaaa.
Want to learn more?
So, whats been up this week?
Well, I can't avoid mentioning Davos. Sadly I wasn't there in person, and I'm actually starting to wonder if that is most likely never going to happen, so it's good news that World Economic Forum is generous with sharing their content. It is possible to stay up to date on whats been going on. Click here to view videos from talks or read latest news.
But first, Futurism's weekly video, this week in #SCIENCE
Singularity Hub Serves this #WrapUp of the week.
Take a look
#FOOD
I discovered this ladys website yesterday, GolubkaKitchen. Seriously, if everyone became vegan we would cut our carbon footprint by half (and hospital bills in half as well, I'm pretty sure). Sooo. whats stopping us? Accessibility and knowledge and understanding... How to prepare this fucking green grass? Well.. I found an amazing website for ya. Check it out. And if you don't know Deliciously Ella by now.. Time has come to check her out.
Foooooood yumyum.
#HEALTH & MEDICINE
If you had a human head transplant, would you still be you? I'm the person who things consciousness and intelligence might not only take place in the head, so too me this sounds bizzare if this is to be true. But who knows.. I'd love to figure out sometime soon. This Italian doctor have been bragging about this operation for years now.. What takes it so long?
If you missed this weeks biggest news, thats fine, cause here it is; The first monkey has been cloned. Now paving the way for humans too. The reason why this hasn't happened earlier is that ever since the sheep dolly was cloned in 1966 the technique has been tried on several animals but all have shown resistance until but now they've tweaked their method and finally a monkey could be cloned. Read more about the event here.
#OFFWORLD
"A group of Chinese student volunteers spent 200 days in a “lunar lab” simulation in Beijing as part of an experiment to test the potential psychological effects humans may experience if they were to take up residence on the Moon. The simulation is part of a program that hopes to advance the concept of Moon colonization."
#HARDSCIENCE
This one I find rather stunning. Mosquitos can be trained not to bite specific humans. Wtf? Yes you heard me. Mosquitos!! And not only that; a new study shows that a method for training mosquitoes not to bite specific humans could be as effective as using insect repellents like DEET.
Are plants conscious? Is there any reason they shouldn't be? I believe they're inherited with intelligence we simply do not understand yet. So now researchers have mapped out how plants sense the world. Kinda cool!
#EARTH&ENERGY
Well. Interesting but not surprising news the facts has spoken 2017 was the second hottest year ever recorded.. Where are we heading people.. Still not a vegan??
Thats all for this week folks!
Hope this was food for thought and perhaps might spark a few conversations!
Wish you all a great week.
Just don't.. don't go shopping.
I love this quote by Tim Ferriss. It’s well phrased and on point. I can assure you that if we look for it we can all find deep dark pain within. There are always things we?ve experienced, things people have said to us, things we?ve done to others that hurt us profoundly. The only differencedetermining how much it affects us on a day to day basis is with which perspective we look upon it.
Whatever we search for we find. Don’t let the past decide what the present and future moments bring you. Accept what you can not change, embrace it and move on. (Yes its easier said than done but you can exercise on it and it will get better)
Have a nice bright and shining day!
Love Yrja
Last year I wrote a piece about another dark side of climate change which is not too much talked about. When the ice melts, what happens? Well, it's not just the water levels rising high and the temperature increasing, but whatever has been trapped inside of it is released, and will be spreading around. Fast. Bacterias and viruses our generation has no knowledge about and possibly no resistance against, hence no vaccines or medicines to protect us. Hashem just posted this short video. Worth watching.
Yesterday evening I was one of the lucky handpicked ones invited to watch the pre-screening of Erik Poppes new movie "Per Fugellis siste resept". And WOW, what a stunning experience. Exactly what I needed. Beauty. Rawness. Life. Erik Poppe was there himself, the whole film crew and everyone participating in the movie, including Pers wife Charlotte. This movie was so powerful that I believe most people had a few salty tears running down their cheeks. This kind of love story and celebration to life you have to
The screening took place in Per's and Charlottes neighbourhood Grønnland, and beautifully enough the Grønnland kirke was the place it was shown.
Pretty uncomfortable chairs though but the event surpassed it all.
You might think why I was invited to this special screening, right? Well, just to let you know.. I actually was interviewed by Erik Poppe on film for potential use in the movie. I got cut out though, as all the other interviews did, but my name remain in the credits. If you just look to the end you'll find my name; Yrja Lothe. Not my full name but fine, what can you expect :P
The movie is all about Per Fugellis last days, he was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, and has been dying since. His last 1,5 years is now documented in this movie. Slowly but surely you see him fall.. All the way to the end. So raw, so honest, so brave. Lets give a round of applause to the modesty of him and his wife for sharing their life in the most vulnerable times. We, the audience will forever be grateful for this piece of art that we all can relate to in some way. We all know someone who has died or has an experience of losing someone and seing life at its harshest. I bet all of Norway will watch this movie.
One thing that had me react though was that the whole crew were men. When the movie was over the people behind the movie was asked to come onto the stage to get some credits and applause. 6 men walked onto the stage, and the wife of Per Fugelli. Wtf? It made me a bit sick knowing that this movie had no female perspective at all and had me lose a bit of my respect towards the crew and movie itself. What was even weirder was that he called two foreign girls onto the stage that features in the film for like 30 seconds, saying he hadn't seen them since that moment but would like to have them come to the stage. That was a bit odd though, what was the agenda with that? Just so that there could be a girls and diversity next to all the male people? That was just funny and bizzare. Kinda embarassing. What was the agenda? Just having him not looking way to #metooish? Trying to save him from people thinking that? Nope, didn't work. Way too corny, he would get better off without. Unprofessional after my opinion
.Anyways, perhaps you don't even have any idea who this magical man Per Fugelli is, is so; he was norwegian philosopher, physician, writer and doctor. And was a frequent contributor to the public debate on health and medical questions. He is famously known for his wise life quotes. Whenever he opens his mouth some golden words about existence flows out. He is real, raw, hones and open, the way he explains human life itself. He looks a things with humour and optimism but is surely brutally realistic.
A man I share mostly the same perspective on life with. Which is why I like him so much.
We need to take care of and serve each other. And not take life so seriously. Live, enjoy, love!
Is his core saying.
I haven't been writing my usual week in review wrap up in months. But I guess its about time to start doing so again, at least to write a small piece. So, that's what I'm doing today by sharing Futurism "This Week In Science" Video. 2018 is certainly off to a jump start!
#BIOTECH
Good, good news. Y Combinator, one of the worlds leading accelerators are now starting their own Life Sciences Department, YC BIO, which will solely focus on curing aging. This means that they will accept, fund and develop longevity startups they believe in. YAS! I'm still positive that within 2050 we have a way to cure aging or at least live healthier and longer.
Co-Founder and General Manager Ida Pernille Hatlebrekke next to Preben from Trigger.
Tuesday this week, Trigger, one of Norways most recognisable and leading PR companies opened their newest venture, "Folk Oslo". Folk Oslo is to this date the very first Problem Solving Hub in Norway.
What this means in their own words:
"A problem workshop where people and businesses meet to solve societal challenges by developing products and companies jointly"
Folk aims to deconstruct together with talented and competent people and businesses UN 17 SDGS into doable and implementable tasks and solutions. Their vision is to make Oslo a better place to be.
It might sound vague and intangible but after their launch party, hearing it all more in detail I'm able to grasp it, sort of. The idea is amazing but how will this work in reality?
I am a member. In fact I'm a proud and humble member amongst all those competent high profile leaders across all industries in Norway. I was asked if I wanted to be one of their first founding 50 members and was even asked to be in the advisory board. What? I have no idea why they saw me as a key person but I guess they value my experience, expertise and drive more than I can seize.
I think this is going to rock but we need more people in. It's open to everyone who wants to make a change in this world, to the better. It is for those who wants to participate and work together in teams to do so. And the ones who see sustainability as a key factor certainly.
To figure out how and what to attack, they've put up this Oslo Dugnad Web Page. where people can submit challenges they face in daily life in Oslo. Live in Oslo? Have anything on top of your mind? Or just stay updated on what fellow Osloers find annoying? Click here
You can read more about the project here:
Kampanje - Trigger-Prebens nye super nettverk
Dagens Næringsliv
What do you think, will this work?
I really hope we are able to maximise this potential outcome. All odds says that its possible. So. Let go shape the future!
Join me? Click her
Is there such a thing as past lives? Have you ever thought of this as a possibility? Can you see yourselves in a different life? Perhaps you've had any weird visions coming to you that you can not seem to get a grip on why it's happening? Like a glimpse of feeling or memories, which you know didn't happen? Perhaps something that has been following you for your whole life? Have you ever met someone that you simply know you've met them before but which isn't the case? Or met someone you have a really really deep connection or belonging too when you really are strangers to eachother in this life?
Even though most people find it quite funny and hard to belive, I've always known deep within that there must be something to this "past life thing" some religious, spiritual and freaky people are talking about. There is no way that it's provable yet but perhaps in the future? We still do know very little of science and how it all is put together; this life, our minds, the universe and beyond. We even use only 10 % of our brain some people say, and we know even less of how it works than that.
My logical part of the brain, the part that is shaped by our society, of course are in doubt of all this but the wise and intuitive part of me knows it is true.. in a way.. If the flashes I see and the people I believe were a part of my previous life is real? Wow.. That would be just so magical if it really was true.. But at the moment it's just such vague visions. Why, why aren't the memories clear?
One day we will be able to figure it out, it might just take years and years, centuries, thousands of years. Perhaps AI will prove its true but we won't believe it cause we won't still be able to understand the way they show it to us?
I've never read much about it and never been interesting doing so, but perhaps that time has come to learn more? I also know this lady who claims to be able to do past life regression, help me go back in time and remember. A fortune teller.. What if she is really able to do so? Perhaps I should give it a try? I'm tempted. I'll update this post later if I do so.
Some friends of mine went to this fortune teller and what she said blew their minds. It was so accurate that it was not impossible being fake. This woman knew nothing about them before they came. Not even their names. She then told my friend exactly how both of his patents died. What the fuck? This guy is from Australia, there is no way to find this kind of info online etc. I’ve also been to a fortune teller, she knew nothin of me but used her tarot cards to litterally tell me who I was and tell me my story. I didnt open my mouth once, just in awe and astonishment.
Anyways, since I was a child And for as long as I can remember I’ve had these visuals and sensations of me waliking quietly in a forest at night on a brown horse. Its super quiet and I’m carefully looking and listening for potential dangers. I’ve always got a hunch from this being a past life. Being a spy in te woods or something, in the medieval ages or whenever. I have no idea but far back in the times. Pretty interesting, right? And, another thing following me like this is whenever I see or walk past a dog I see and feel it jump up and bite my left tigh, like real hard and not letting go. Quite a terrifyinh sight and perception. Thats why Ive never been to fond of dogs cause this memory is so strong and weirdly enough it hasn’t happen in this life. its the same with dark sea water. I’ve always been fearful of it. And ive never enjoyed going to the beach. And ive never understood why this is the case. That whenever I think of the dark sea I see this storm and dark blu scary water just waiting to eat me. I’m not afraid of drowning or anything ts just this strong weird sensation that intensly crawls back in an instant. Thats basically some of the stronges super natural sensation thats been a part of me forever and wont let go. And I believe the dog and the deep sea might be extreme experiences from past lives. So strong that I possibly died from it. I died from that dog biting me or leaving me with an infected wound. And on the deep see I drowned. I do not have any negative experiences with the visuals from the woods. Those are super positive and brings with them exitement whenever they enter my head and body. What do you guys think? Why do I have these continuous experiences poping into my head and body?
They say that not everyone has lived several lives before this one but many of us have.
There are also at least two people I feel Ive been connected to for many lives or whatever one can call it. perhaps just across time and space, that our atoms belong togethet or something might also be a thought. Oh well. Perhaps I got too supernatural in this post. But I find it kinda interesting. Eagerly waiting for quantum physics to tell the truth.
All this might also be an explanation of multiple universes. Or just be our molecules touching other peoples lives throughouy history. Or what do you think? Is it just nonsense?
There is a thought thats been crossing my mind.. All the people that feel they are born in the wrong body witht wrong sex. What if they in their previous life were the opposite sex and they were so attached to their physical body in that life that their unconsiciousness did’t manage to let it go when they were reborn anew? That Something within just cant manage to rewire? oh well..
“The Root of Happiness is Altruism - the Wish to be of Service to Others”
Dette innlegget er egentlig en fortsettelse på å få ut min frustrasjon fra forrige post.
*****
På et vis så prøver vi alle å redde oss selv, men det er dem som kun bryr seg om seg og sitt også stopper det der. Helt greit at man passer på seg selv og skaper et godt fundament for eget liv, det er helt essensielt det, men man lever på en klode full av masse, masse mennesker og et samfunn som må gå rundt. Da vil jeg si at det er hver og ens plikt å være et godt menneske. Et menneske som stiller opp, tar ansvaret som ligger på alle våre skuldre og hjelper til å bære. Man kan ikke bare forvente at andre skal gjøre jobben, at andre skal holde hjulene i gang, at alle andre skal fikse problemene og utfordringene vi står ovenfor. At alle andre skal redde en når man ber om hjelp.. Men omvendt, det er det ikke snakk om.
Dikt:
"Vi som redder oss selv"
Det er flere som meg. Min kategori er ikke ukjent, snarere normalen.
Det er vi som har det godt, men er ulykkelige innvendig.
Oss som smiler, ler og gjør helt vanlige ting, men som bærer på en meningsløs tomhet og lever i uvisshet om hvordan å fylle rommet.
Vi som ikke klarer å finne mening, i mangel på perspektiv, kunnskap og visdom.
Vi som ikke er nysgjerrige nok til å leve.
Det er oss som klager og ikke tenker større enn oss selv. Vi som ikke ønsker, eller rett og slett ikke bryr oss om å gjøre verden til et bedre sted. Vi som gir faen i alt og alle andre enn oss selv, vår familie og nære venner. Vi som gir blaffen, men forventer at andre og samfunnet stiller opp, gjør jobben og tar seg av alle utfordringer.
Det er vi som klamrer oss til vårt ego og styres av tanker og følelser.
Vår kategori ikke ukjent, vi er normalen. Og lenge leve.
Make it my way.. Please?
Sometimes I (pretty sure I could have used we here) just wish life could go my way. Then meaning; everything I want to see come true did.
But then again that would be too complex, I guess...Imagine if anyone could decide anything. Wow. Complete chaos. Nothing would be in order. Or if so is to be the case there really has to be multiple universes.
Perhaps there is? Maybe what I unconsciously want to happen is what happens? Perhaps this is my universe? And everything just goes how the universe wants for me? And my mum has her owns and sister has hers..etc.. In one way thats how it works, on a small small scale. We all live in our own bubbles (simulated by others?).
...Stop, enough hovering...
Since I was a child I've had one mission. To help people. On the scale that is actually achievable for me at the given time. That is why I try to treat everyone I meet physically and virtually with respect, love, kindness and openness. At least I wont be the one putting gasoline on their pile of misery.
I'm in a situation at the moment where I wish to see another outcome happen but I am afraid I'll be waiting around for ever. It seems like there is no way that I can change this situation. This is a person who is incredibly ill and by now there is no longer any way for me to help out. There is no way I can make his life better. I've done my very best.
And I have now come and must come to this devastating conclusion of just letting the whole thing go by accepting his faith in this life. Sadly just because of the people that he is surrounded by he will forever be ill and perhaps end up with dementia in the age of 40. I have done whatever I could. Of course I could do more but I am fighting against a system so powerful that I will be broken no matter what. I'm fighting towards his illness, family and girlfriend to save him. I will and have already been crushed. I just have to accept that a vegetative state is his home. He is becoming a vegetable and will stay so until dementia eats him all up. To swallow something like that is not easy. Especially since this is someone I care deeply about. If he had resourceful, loving and caring people around him, this would never happen. He might have been well functioning and happy right now if that was the case. But it isn't. He is going down the rabbit hole and so is my faith in humanity. Luckily that last one is about to be restored because I see that it's just a fraction of people who acts inhuman. People living in denial are the destroyers of love. The ones who makes this earth a terrible place to be. But how is this even possible? Their child and brother is suffering like crazy and they do nothing but look the other way and trying to cover up traces? Like locking him away from civilisation, hoping for no one to find out? Wait What?
Accepting and swallowing this is really hard. Because I know that it if wasn't for those people he would probably be all good and well enough today. I need to let go because it is destroying my brain. Eating me up from within. I feel guilty to just let this go, to not care anymore, not even mentally, it doesn't feel good. I want to help. But I have to accept his faith and that there is nothing more I can do. This life was not for him. Perhaps the next one is his. Or perhaps he is even living in another universe at this time. I gotta use my imagination to create a dreamy happy explanation to why this happens. His life will be better next time. Yes?
Swallow the fact and move on. This is your life. And you apparently can not save everyone you want. Lessons learned, somethings you can change and the other ones one need to be wise enough to accept and just leave it all behind.
Lets take a deep breath.. and let it go..
Trying to be romantic and stay positive regardless, so I’m adding the video below just to try to laugh.
“I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think. ”
Watch this talk and do consider becoming the master of your own emotions. It's possible, and its way more relaxing. It will fill you with relief and have you wonder why it took so long to get there. You have the power to take effect. Basically all of your reactions and emotions is based on guessing. In real life you literally have no clue what any situation is all about, then why use energy on assumptions and creating false emotions on something completely unnecessary?
Notice her saying "stoically accepting defeat". Here you got me.. I guess people find it a bit weird as I tend to not show too many feelings except from happiness. I'm simply agree to accept it all. I try to manage my energy, thoughts and, time to optimalize well being and wasting both time, thoughts and energy is not on my schedule.
There is so much talk about New Years Resolutions every year, and then later in January it turns out that most people failed already after a few weeks on what they planned for. Which would at least make me feel like a big fiasco for the rest of the year. At least not hope for things that's impossible for you to achieve. Simply, be realistic, be honest. Who am I, what can I handle? What does my mind allow me to finish through? How much willpower do I have? What kind of habits? Thinking pattern? Etc. Questions are essentials to figure out a few goals. Planning to work out 5 days a week if you do not work out at all until now, is a complete disaster. For sure that ain't gonna happen, perhaps for a few weeks, or even months, but then.. You'll slip and become a huge mistake to yourself and stay disappointed and the negative thoughts pulling you down will creep in on you. Not only that.. But people mostly talk about what concerns THEM. What they are going to do for themselves this year. I rarely hear anyone say, I'm gonna be more kind to others, smile to more people, I'm gonna hug people more, treat everyone with respect, be helpful and of service to others and such things. Of course we all live in our own bubble, but come on, we all know that this is not reality! Me! Me! Me.. Seriously? I live in Norway though, I believe the Me culture is stronger here than anywhere else, and in the western in general the ego culture is still in charge.
I can't wait to live in a world where people have larger than themselves new years resolutions, and not only for the new year but for life. Life philosophies, life goals, and resolutions that concerns others but themselves. Like, be more loving, help people who asks for help, have more coffee meetings with people asking for advice, give away the stuff I don't need to the poor. Etc..
I have goals for this year within the fields of my career, physical and mental wellbeing, social circle and relationships next to continue and if be even more kind, grateful, thankful, loving, helpful and respectful, curious and open towards others and situations that happens. And by others I do not mean only human beings, I mean, all living beings, nature, earth and the universe. We are all one and can not exist without each other. Well. Living beings, nature, earth and universe can exist without us, but for sure.. If none of these things wouldn't be around.. We wound't either(why are we so cruel when we know we're dependent on what we are destroying?). So you get what I mean? And by situations that happen, I mean that there is a gift in everything. Either negative or positive situations comes with a gift of instructions. Those instructions will guide you towards a better version of yourself mentally or physically or both which again will benefit everyone.
I said this to a random guy at work, or I said that I was going to continue and be even more kind, thankfull etch.. To that he simply said, "well that seems pretty religious to me with a negative loaded voice." Wait what? Being a good person you symbolise with being religious which you also not are and think of negatively? Oh my god, society what have we done to have a person grow up to behold such beliefs?
I responded that I am not a religious person (I dont know if I can call myself one at all? I believe in the universe and a higher intelligence but it's not related to any religion and I do not like the word spiritual either..) but to me its about being a good citizen, being a good person for others and for myself. Which all in all makes my life and others in my presence better. If I can make one person feel better near me that is magic. If I can change someones day or life that makes my heart so warm. I did not say the last sentence but anyways he said he was kind to others just to benefit himself, so that they wouldn't talk bad about him or so when he might be in need of something they would treat him kindly too. Here you go, the me culture again. Seriously. I can not wait until this kind of mental behaviour and consciousness switch.
All that aside, 2018 is gonna be GREAT. I have a really good feeling for 2018!
So, what is your new year resolution?
Hashem Al-Ghaili(science nature), a person whom I follow on facebook who regularly posts great articles on future society and present discoveries within technology and science, published this video I've added below yesterday.
Yup, 2018 is right around the corner and its for sure going to be one exciting year if this is on the menu + more.
What do you wish to happen in the world and for humanity in 2018?
What about you own life? Whats your goals and wishes for the year to come?
2017 has been an extraordinary year in science, the breakthroughs we saw happening are now paving the way towards completely reshaping humanity's future. A lamb was created in an artificial womb, an embryo was edited, a new kind of matter was discovered and Chinese computer scientists made a quantum leap into teleportation + waaay more stuff. Science fiction is becoming our reality and its just the tip of the iceberg. Enjoy the findings, your life and the people you love's life is about to get an upgrade. Thats my opinion at least :)
I also found this documentary (below) on youtube about this year in science. I haven't watched it yet, but planning to. Hope its a good one!
What are your take on all of this? Do you like it or does it scare you?
What do you wish for to happen in science in 2018?
Me, grandma and Hedda, my sister.
Merry Christmas y'all! Joyeux Nöel! Feliz Navidad! God Jul! And such..
There are so many ways to greet Christmas. And there are so many ways to deal with this Christly Holiday.
How we, them Oftedahls, do it is just the same procedure as every year (to frase "Grevinnen og Hovemesteren", which is a famous video clip everyone loves to watch the 23rd..............................). Which I find a bit sad and funny at the same time cause I can't separate not even one Christmas from the other besides the ones when I was younger and we celebrated at a nice winter hotel the whole week with my fathers family. And I also remember the times when we celebrated at grandmas place in Florø but thats like 16 years ago I think.. Anyhow, its a nice way of doing it.. Although I really dislike that all my Christmas memories end up in one small basket of porridge in my mind.
I'm super grateful that I got my whole family in good shape and health and that we all can celebrate together.
(It's also forever gonna be a puzzle to me why we Norwegians still celebrate christian traditions, when none of us Norwegians really are truly religious. Just to add in a random thoughts)
Anyhow, we celebrate being together and eating LOADS of food just like majority of people in Norway. This year we were opening presents for 3 long hours. Which is sad an not ok after my opinion. Frustrating to look at. Instead of long and deep and meaningful conversations I'm left drained with energy only 1 hour in.
Why can't we just celebrate each other, the love we all carry for one another? Instead of wasting time on things that doesn't matter in the moment? We leave the party and still do not know one bit more about the other people than we already knew.
Well at least, all of the family is together under one roof and we all are perfectly healthy. Really, I've got not reason to complain. I just wish we could be a bit more.. Humble, sustainable and loving towards the whole wide world instead.
My dream Christmas would either be to travel with the whole family, donate all the money usually spent on gifts to research in stead, on longevity research, or to gather at a large venue and invite immigrants and poor people and other people and have this huge celebration of love. Where EVERYONE is welcome. One day. This is something I'd like to start doing. Cause all the gifting and stress and expectations all people have makes me SICK. Its LOVE that we are supposed to celebrate. I cant wait until this is what is the norm in our society.
One gift each would be more than enough. And what would be better was if that we traded stuff that we already had, stuff that I got tired of might please my sister.
There are so many ways to celebrate Christmas that would make me way less embarrassed.
I guess its soon time for me to arrange christmas where I set the rules.
Where the zone is completely stressfree, one gift for all, and deep meaningful conversations will rule the whole evening. Not some random bullshit like we always do, and end up leaving the party and holiday without even know ONE more tiny bit of each other. I've left Stavanger now, and I still have NO clue on how my mother, father, siblings, grandparents and my aunt and her familys year went, what was meaningful to them, what did they enjoy the most, what did they learn, did they regret anything, what was the most wonderful they experienced, and the worst... etc... and I'd lso like to hear what they wish for and plan for in 2018.
What does a merry Christmas mean to you ? Do you have lots of expectations? What is a dream Christmas for you? And does reality ever live up to your expectations?
Merry Merry Merry Christmas. Enjoy spending time with the people you love and try embrace every minute with gratitude.
Why why why do I have this photo. This will for ever be engraved in my mind I guess as a flaw I'd rather be without.
This week, on Tuesday to be exact, what appears to be most peoples worst nightmare happened to become real. It became my reality. The most annoying thing is that I didn't even see it coming. Totally unexpected. It didn't cross my mind once as a possibility. Which is why it probably did happen.
Beware; if you're ready to feel embarrassed and anxious on my behalf you can continue reading, if you're not in the mood for those kinds of feelings simply leave my site or scroll further down to the next post.
I really just write this piece because writing it all out works therapeutic to me, and I also belive that some people might find it helpful to know that the worst of the worst can happen to anyone. And knowing that someone that usually is super comfortable around all kinds of people flunked so completely might be relieving to think of when it's your turn on stage.
Well, let's get into it.
A month ago my boss asked me to perform a two minute pitch at an event where all the co-working spaces in Oslo was supposed to gather to tell each other what we're all doing so that we can get to know one another. It was arranged by Oslo Business Region at Ingensteds. (Btw for the past month I've been working at a super nice co-working space in the midst of Oslo Centrum which recently opened. Its called Spaces and it's a global concept with 60 locations all over the world. I love it. I love the people and I love the place)
Fine I sad, and was thinking that it was a month until that event and that for sure I would manage to toughen up until then (interestingly enough I read at Tim Urbans blog wait but why the number one fear people have is public speaking, and then death comes second. ) What she didn't know was that this would be the first time I would ever be on stage talking in front of 250 people. And I wasn't sure how to deal with it. And most importantly; could I deal with it? I've been speaking for smaller crowds which I kind of enjoy (while speaking about something I am really passionate about) but this was by far my first big experience. And I'd never ever pitched Spaces before. How the fuck could I do this? I put it all away in my head, postponing that this was even going to happen, until a few days before the happening.
Even when I wrote my script I actually didn't feel nervous or anything and was pretty sure I was gonna do all fine. Sadly enough I didn't worry at all.
I love talking in front of people, or rightly put; I've always been dreaming of being a public speaker, because I know that once I break the fear barrier I'm gonna love it. I would even love to sing in front of people, If someone just taught me to sing properly.. of course..
Anyhow...What the fuck was I supposed to say? I've been working at Spaces for 1,5 months and only part time, so in total not even for a month. My boss and one other girl pitches
the space every day with potential new clients.. Now why ME? Of course I was flattered bc of her belief in me and I couldn't be more grateful.. But I really think I should be getting some help here. But sure, I didn't dare asking for that either.. Cause I was sure I was going to nail it anyhow even though being pretty unsure about how to communicate the whole concept from beginning with. It's a huge international company with strict policies on everything, so I did not want to screw it up.. perhaps that also put a real pressure on me...
Well you might already be bored off by reading at this point so maybe I should jump to the 40 minutes before I was about to enter the stage.
Before arriving I felt pretty content. I knew the script by heart. Even though the day before I had to rewrite it all because my boss had lots to say on what to say.. (I for sure wish she had given me these notes earlier, but oh well). And that 6pm the day before I open my email and figured out that I was to do everything in english as well? WHAT THE FUCK? And indeed the whole script didn't feel natural to me to say.. That might be one of the reason it all got messed up as well...
So when I entered venue I realised it was a large room filled with loads of people I saw this enormous stage. With huge lights pointed on it.. WTF? Oh man.. not prepared for this.. Not mentally prepared for this environment at all.
When the whole pitching process began and one by one entered the stage I slightly started trembling and it escalated.. Quickly.. I felt my palms getting all sweaty... Damn it.. They were all such great speakers all the people talking before me. Their english were excellent and they looked so calm and happy... What the heck is wrong with me?
The audience was mainly filled with people I know from the startup community, people whom I have a well known reputation with and am very well liked and respected. So why so anxious? This should be an easy crowd? Or was it because this was my friends and potential colleagues that I became this tense? Perhaps it would have been easier if there were really nothing to lose. And.. Why should I lose something anyways?
So...
"Next up... Yrja from SPACES!"
Shoot... Me... I managed to climb on stage and started opening my mouth, a few words came out.. But then. I realised that the lights were far to bright and I couldn't see anyone in the crowd.. and... In an instant.. My head turned black. I blanked out. I. Blanked. Out. On. Stage. Wtf? All out of nowhere my body didn't respond and my mental wellbeing got completely out of place. Seriously, I couldn't get a word out. And then I realised fuck I only have like 1 minute left on this stage, there is not even a spare second to be used to calm myself down.
Feverishly I scouted for familiar faces in the crowd, anyone there to calm me down??? No one. Not one single person could I see. It was way too dark. And I had no notes and no slides. Nothing that could pull me back to the present moment and make me deliver. I was doomed.
All I wanted was to pass out... But that I couldn't do either. That would just look way too weird and even below my comfort zone.. I'd rather run of as quickly as possible after saying at least something.
Then, desperately I managed to find some words to squeeze out "I'm a bit nervous..." And then.. I stood there for a bit longer before someone said "wooohooo" And then everyone started clapping. And I mean, I REAL roundup applause. The audience couldn't scream and clap enough. They all wished me well and I guess they were all filled with the same anxiousness as me... Poor people :P
Well, all PR is good PR? Isn't it so? At least I made an impression I guess as humans remember better when feelings are attached, and especially negative ones :P
Literally this was the most awkward moment in a long time. So, so annoying... Blanking out was far out of my imagination so I was not prepared. Shame on me. It was basically my fault. If I had just not pre-visualised all possible outcomes in such a situation I would be at least as cleaver as to bring a few notes to get me back on track. Too foolish really.
«When you said you were nervous it didn't make sense to me cause you seemed like you had full control up there and enjoyed it» people said to me afterwords... what went wrong? Oh well, lets not dwell with it no more but I'm pretty sure this happened to me because of the teachings coming with it and because of my ignorance and dumbness of not being focused enough and taking the task seriously.
You know what, the weirdest thing of it all was that I actually saw a movie the night before where someone ended up blanking out on stage but luckily the main person in the movie was a time traveler so he could go back in time and fix it.. It might have affected my sub consciousness. Then again, I think it was a good thing it happened to me and not another person. I'm not dealing with things so seriously and my feelings related to it will disappear in not to long.
But if I could stimulate my neurones to a point where I could erase this memory from my head and everyone elses head I would do It right away. Wouldn't I? The best would be if I could simply just erase it from all the people watching's head. Or go back in time and do it all over again. Because than I could get the teachings that came out of it even though living with the flashes of visuals and feelings from the accidents will continue to run into me pretty strongly and often for the next weeks and months perhaps and even for years it will stay there. Yikes, I messed up my inner life. Well, I think I can deal with it. I'll just pretend no one were actually watching me fail.
And after all, I'd rather see this happening than having anyone in my family or close friends get ill.
So, whats the whole gift about this event? As usual when weird things happen, the instruction that comes out of it. So what are they?
I'm glad it happened to me as Im not a person who seldom get bothered by things happening, what people think of me etc... Even though some random visuals flash through my head every now and then I'm sure that if I was an insecure person it would be soooo much worse. So I spared y'all out there. Took one for the team...........
And damn what a story! Finally I have a relatable funny story to tell in company with others. Can't wait to shout it out on me and a friends new podcast that will be launching in January. #excited
All though I kinda lost the public speaking game this time. To me, it might have (just to pacify myself to the fullest) A win the hard difficult way?
What a way to put an ending to 2017!?
Cheers to fresh beginnings in 2018.
And good luck to you next time you will be speaking!
Lets to this! 2018, bring me more of public speaking gigs, please!
