Make It My Way


Make it my way.. Please?
Sometimes I (pretty sure I could have used we here) just wish life could go my way. Then meaning; everything I want to see come true did.
But then again that would be too complex, I guess...Imagine if anyone could decide anything. Wow. Complete chaos. Nothing would be in order. Or if so is to be the case there really has to be multiple universes.
Perhaps there is? Maybe what I unconsciously want to happen is what happens? Perhaps this is my universe? And everything just goes how the universe wants for me? And my mum has her owns and sister has hers..etc.. In one way thats how it works, on a small small scale. We all live in our own bubbles (simulated by others?).

...Stop, enough hovering...

Since I was a child I've had one mission. To help people. On the scale that is actually achievable for me at the given time. That is why I try to treat everyone I meet physically and virtually with respect, love, kindness and openness. At least I wont be the one putting gasoline on their pile of misery. 
I'm in a situation at the moment where I wish to see another outcome happen but I am afraid I'll be waiting around for ever. It seems like there is no way that I can change this situation. This is a person who is incredibly ill and by now there is no longer any way for me to help out. There is no way I can make his life better. I've done my very best.
And I have now come and must come to this devastating conclusion of just letting the whole thing go by accepting his faith in this life. Sadly just because of the people that he is surrounded by he will forever be ill and perhaps end up with dementia in the age of 40. I have done whatever I could. Of course I could do more but I am fighting against a system so powerful that I will be broken no matter what. I'm fighting towards his illness, family and girlfriend to save him. I will and have already been crushed. I just have to accept that a vegetative state is his home. He is becoming a vegetable and will stay so until dementia eats him all up. To swallow something like that is not easy. Especially since this is someone I care deeply about. If he had resourceful, loving and caring people around him, this would never happen. He might have been well functioning and happy right now if that was the case. But it isn't. He is going down the rabbit hole and so is my faith in humanity. Luckily that last one is about to be restored because I see that it's just a fraction of people who acts inhuman. People living in denial are the destroyers of love. The ones who makes this earth a terrible place to be. But how is this even possible? Their child and brother is suffering like crazy and they do nothing but look the other way and trying to cover up traces? Like locking him away from civilisation, hoping for no one to find out? Wait What?
Accepting and swallowing this is really hard. Because I know that it if wasn't for those people he would probably be all good and well enough today. I need to let go because it is destroying my brain. Eating me up from within. I feel guilty to just let this go, to not care anymore, not even mentally, it doesn't feel good. I want to help. But I have to accept his faith and that there is nothing more I can do. This life was not for him. Perhaps the next one is his. Or perhaps he is even living in another universe at this time. I gotta use my imagination to create a dreamy happy explanation to why this happens. His life will be better next time. Yes?

Swallow the fact and move on. This is your life. And you apparently can not save everyone you want. Lessons learned, somethings you can change and the other ones one need to be wise enough to accept and just leave it all behind.

Lets take a deep breath.. and let it go..

Trying to be romantic and stay positive regardless, so I’m adding the video below just to try to laugh.