Okei, going through some past online material. And jeeeez. What did I find.. well.. Heres a holler to 21 year old artsy, funny and confused Yrja. Omg. tragic, sad and hilarious at the same time. Had to post it. Enjoyyyy.
Klokken er halv fire. Det er lørdag. Ute er det frost og speilglatt. Himmelen begynner å bli rosa. Mens jeg, jeg sitter inne med hodepine. Selvpålagt hodepine.
Sosiale medier kan slite deg ut i dag om du ikke bruke det bevisst. Sitter man bare og skroller og jager etter oppmerksomhet, da kan timene fort tikke og man ender opp som gjennomsnittsnordmannen som skroller 92 meter per dag. Bare på facebook. I dag har jeg gjort nettopp det. Jeg tror jeg har scrollet meg nedover til sammen 200 meter, på instagram. Timene har forsvunnet uten at jeg har lagt merke til det, og her sitter jeg, enda i pysjen. Hver lørdag og søndag pleier jeg å dra på langtur til Bygdøy. En løpetur som tar ca 1 t 45 minutter. Det var planen i dag også. Men her sitter jeg, grodd fast, i sofaen med abstines-fingre som vil klikke på mobilen igjen, og igjen, og igjen. To do listen min i dag var lang. Jeg pleier å schedule white space hver lørdag. Tid til å ikke gjøre en dritt. Jeg opplever at om jeg tar en pause, og gjør akkurat det jeg føler for en hel dag så blomstrer kreativiteten, produktiviteten og effektiviteten resten av uken. Jeg har opplevd å skrive ferdig 2-3 intervjuer bare på en sånn dag. Og det er egentlig det som har skjedd i dag likevel. Da jeg nektet meg selv min vanlige dag off - så endte det opp med fri likevel. Fri i form av usunne timer hvor jeg har prøvd å gjemme meg fra meg selv, prokrastinere alt jeg skulle gjøre og søke etter kjærlighet fra andre. Ikke hadde jeg noe på instagram å gjøre, jeg har postet det jeg skulle. Det vil si, jobben for i dag i sociale medier var faktisk gjort.
Okei. Point taken, det er kjekt å sitte å føle seg som et offer. Men til syvende og sist er det faen meg ikke det jeg er. Jeg er en person som har full kontroll over meg og mitt. Likevel ga jeg faen i det i dag og synes synd på meg selv. Gud for en ubrukelig dag. Og ja, jeg kunne endt opp nå med å sitte her med forakt ovenfor meg selv, noe jeg følte på i noen få minutter, men, det er faktisk jeg som har kontroll over mine følelser, tanker og handlinger. Så. Gjort er gjort.
La oss akseptere denne lørdagen og løsne på planen og heller tenke på resten av dagen som fri. Det er det eneste som vil løse meg fra denne jobb-streiken jeg er inni. Det var fri jeg skulle ha. Ferdigsnakka. Rutiner først. Lørdagene er hellig. Ferdigsnakka. Uansett hvor mye jeg må gjøre så skal lørdagen alltid være fri. Ferdigsnakka. Hvordan ser din helg ut? Nå skal jeg sitte på rumpa litt til, drikke en kaffe på havremelk og komme meg på en rolig kort løpetur om en time eller to tenker jeg. Deretter skal jeg se på tv og ikke fokusere på at hele dagen egentlig bare gikk til waste, og at hodepinen hamrer. For til tross så har jeg faktisk fått 50 nye norske følgere på instagram bare i dag. Så jeg har faktisk jobbet, bare med noe jeg ikke hadde planlagt.
Det siste skrev jeg rett og slett for å føle meg litt bedre, og det hjalp. Det er som regel alltid noe positivt man kan fokusere på selv om selve situasjonen er kjip.
Scheduler du white space?
Hey you guys!
I just became a part of EgmontPEOPLE (and now colleagues with a wonderful bunch of people) and that required me to start writing in Norwegian for the articles.
I'm still struggling a bit with verbalizing myself in the best way, I still feel I can not fully express myself in Norwegian, but hope that will change <3 I think my podcast(yet to be launched)-
The sun is indeed shining brightly here in Oslo and the sky is clear blue. Even the birds are singing beautifully loud.
So onto what I wrote this for;
Im super fond of blockchain and I do believe in crypto and I particulary like Ethereum as you can build apps and plattforms upon it. Anyway, recently there were 6200 dollars in my crypto account which I was kinda happy about since I only invested 100 dollars(damn yeah, talkabout a helluva bargain!!). But now this morning when I checked, booom there is only 2200. How is this even possible😭 anyways. Its a long term investment Ill pray for it to be back.
to the good news, If you havent invested yet, this is a good time for you. Just a heads up, if you’re having some money to spare, go do it. But consider it a long term investment. And do etherum.
Enjoy this sparkling morning :))
Hey you guys! I just became a part of EgmontPEOPLE (hear: salutes), which means that from now on I will be writing from a blogg.no blog, in Norwegian(yikes, how to express myself now?). I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this one but for sure I will as my preferred writing language is English. Really, Norwegian is a poor language and its difficult to write what you really mean and let your personal voice flicker throughout the text since there ain't too many words to use or ways to put your sentences.
I just claimed www.yrjaoftedahl.blogg.no and started writing a bit just to get things going but I might change to www.yrja.blogg.no
You can still reach me on my social media channels and e-mail me at email@example.com
I have always had this creepy fear of doing what I love the most solo. I've done so many things all by myself for years but when it comes to do what I truly desire there are a voice and anxious feeling inside when thinking about it doing it all alone with no one to talk things over with, no one to share experiences and share ideas, no one to have fun and share downsides with on the journey. What do I got if I fail on what truly matters to me? What I've desired the most all my life? Who am I then? That's why it scares the heck out of me. Because without my burning passion and feeling for me being able to accomplish what I want the most, I feel that my identity simply vanish.
The voice within I am pretty sure comes from my childhood and my parents in general. "Dreams doesn't exist and you can't achieve what you want, cause there is no such thing, society is not made for you to do such things, life is hard" this is what I've been hearing over and over again. Every time I tried to share a dream or wondering about how to do things this came up, and not only then but everything related to this topic brought this up. Support and on and belief in who I am and what I can and want to do I have never gotten from home.
I know everyone is scared to do things by themselves, but having those two people who have been your authorities as a child and are your closest that does something with you. But to me, its time to make a settlement with this. Because of lots of things you need to do alone if there is no one who'd like to tag along.
The thing is that I know I can do it, I know I've got talent for it but that's why it scares the heck out of me bc I don't want to fail myself bringing this gift into daylight. Fear of failure and huge performance anxiety which only kicks in when I truly want something I know that I can do but with a hard amount of work.
So today I am in need of some empowering content and perhaps you can benefit from it too. Its absolutely some great words she puts on the table. Everyone is scared, everyone is struggling but persistence and vision is what is gonna get you where you want.
And just to add in, if you happened to miss this genius vlog post by Casey Neistat you gotta watch it right away. Take the time to do it right now!
I’m following Hashem al ghalis «what if» show on Facebook. This week he put this great question on the table with an answer. «What would you do if the internet collapsed?»
Can you imagine? What would your first thought be? How would you react at first? How would you adapt? What kind of life would that be?
I guess if you’re above 50 life would go back to what this generation consider «normal». With wired cell phones, fax and TV as the primary way of communication and mass entertainment.
But how would generation z feel? All they know is an online life. They’ve never had an experience of just going over to their friends house, knocking their door without an appointment. For them this concept sounds absurd and embarrassing. Do I actually need to talk to people face to face to make friends? Oh shit! I guess they’d all be filled up with an instant social anxiety by that thought. At least that would be my first reaction if virtual was my reality. Communicating online is way less scary and very often one dare to say things you’d never ever dare or consider to say in real life. Online things might not seem rude, scary or hurting. But if you took those words and visuals offline you'd be highly embarrassed by yourself.
I would probably feel kinda stressed but I believe I would feel a bit of relief as well but that perhaps if I knew it was just for a short period of time before internet came back to work again.
If I then got told that internet will never be up and running again ever I would be kinda frustrated. What the fuck? I would not be able to believe it, really. We just had it, how come we can never make it happen again? I would absolutely live with that voice and frustration inside of me forever. So peace would come to some extent but there would always always be a longing for the graceful alien world in which we once had one click away.
So enjoy it and be grateful. You never know when your whole world will go away. Either its a person, a pet, your health, your wealth, water, food or internet!
Think green, sustainable and act with kindness. You never know when its your turn to meet the unknown.
How attached are you to your things? How much time pass until you buy something new? How often do you throw stuff away? How often do you play with or use the things you've bought? Do you have clothes that you've bought but it still hangs in the closet with the price tag on years later? If you do not use it at least once a month, why do you have it? Why do you crave for more when your shoe rack is all full of shoes not used?
Do you have things you just bought to impress and show of to others? Isn't that a bit embarrassing to think of? You bought it not because you wanted to but because you thought this was a way to be admired and liked by others? So you buy things to feel loved? Friendship should be based on real love, not on fake material ground. At least thats the kind of relationships I cultivate. But that might just be me. Would be so too tiring just thinking about all things I needed to buy and use just to feel accept from the people I'd really want to like me. Thats not a healthy friendship. Is it????
I've got this friend who recently started her journey towards a more conscious lifestyle and she decided to document it all on social media (www.siriabrahamsen.com), which is super interesting to follow and I guess she inspires many. At least some as she has loads of followers. These days she is throwing away all of her stuff, she is selling her house, she recently started eating healthier and taking lots of small other conscious parts of actions. I'm actually a bit envious, because I'd like to share my journey too. The only problem is that there is none to share because I started living consciously long time ago, actually all the way back into child hood. I never wanted to buy anything or spend any money and I rarely ate meat and used all my clothes until there was nothing left. So there is really no voyage to be shared. When I was young it wasn't because of the feeling of responsibility or sense of awareness of what would make me and others healthier, it was simply a natural choice. I didn't want to live otherwise. But later in life I see more clearly why I had this urge because I know today that this is what makes me happy and gives me a graceful and joyful life.
So, when I started living by myself it continued. It got even more conscious as I now took all of the choices myself on what to eat, how to live, what do do, what to buy etc. At this present time I own practically nothing, rarely buy other things than food unless things are broken and impossible to use (like a new phone or computer) and I eat no animal products, and use my clothes until its all just big holes.
Hence, I've got no story to share on how I felt when I did all these because this way of living consciously is apparently hardwired in my DNA, apparently. The only thing I can relate to is if I envision a non conscious life, full of things I do not need, way too big of a house, driving a gasoline car, eating all kinds of crappy food, working in a job just to earn money for things I do not use etc. That thought and visualizing process makes me feel sick instantly. I could never do that, not towards myself, others, the planet and animals.
I can not be owned by things, I can not live a life true to my heart, I can not live a life doing something just to for the money I need to love what I do every second, we got so little time on our visit in this body on earth. And eating animal products that our bodys are not made to digest(we are the only one next to monkeys having color vision, and there is a reason that we see this and not only see movement). Immediately I get the sensation of being enslaved to all the stuff, chained to a several rooms in a large house, that is in constant need of cleaning and fixing. My time is holy and I'd rather see someone else fix that than having to spend several hours a week doing it. (okay if I randomly was super rich and could hire someone to live in my house JUST to clean and fix things any time of the day, fine, but I'm not sure I could do that either, I have too much empathy. I'd rather spend all these money on something that gave value into the world, like funding research or funding startups).
So no thank you to that. And no thank you to sitting at a desk 8am-5pm everyday just to work towards someone else's goal and earning a big fat check. I want to be the master of my time and what I spend it on. Doing something I don't love is out of the question.
All I can do is share with you my sense of freedom this way of living gives me. And I highly recommend it to you too.
I'm excited to see how it all goes for my friend Siri, will it make her happier? Will it give her an easier life? Sense of Freedom? We will wait and see. Meanwhile you can follow her on instagram @siriabrahamsen
Will you do anything to change the way you look at things? What do you enjoy the most, time to think about fun stuff and time to do things you love. Or do you like spending time in worry of not have cleaned the house, someone ruining your car, or someone spilling on your expensive clothes or shoes? Hmm
One year ago I wrote another blogpost on this topic. For further learning click here.
On my schedule today this 14th of February. I’ve got a date with the best person I know at the best place ever. The most important person in my life in fact, if it wasnt for this person I wouldn't be alive and here to celebrate today. It's a person with whom I’ve shared almost 29 years and I couldn’t be happier. I would and could never go one day without you. Thank you so much for being by my side every fucking day. Thank you for sharing your home with me. Thank you for having me wake up every morning, for delivering me a healthy body and a graceful smiling soul. Thank you for what you are, every cell, bone and neruon signal you make and keeping my consciousness alive. No one below and no one above. There is only you. I love you. From here to eternity.
And no, its not my mum(all though she gives my life an extended meaning way beyond what only myself can do), its me. Me, myself and I, Yrja will have a big celebration from within my precious brain and body today, eat whatever the fuck we want and do whatever we want. Yay!
Who is the most significant person in your life?
Shouldn't it be you ?
Previously this was the anniversary of my ex and I's relationship. We were on our second date 14th of February 2013.
But today I am lucky to have this day all to myself. The day of love. And I am lucky to be in a place where I love myself profoundly and embrace who I am, what I look like, what I am capable of and what I am for others to the fullest. I cherish myself and do whatever I can to keep my mind and body in a healthy place. I live as consciously as possibly for a human to live, after my opinion.
I am incredibly lucky as I see many people who despise themselves and act towards themselves as their own worst enemy, talking shit towards themselves, bot taking care of themselves, not grateful at all with whom they share every second of the day with and can’t escape from, every day. A life like that is death to me. It seems like hell not being able to wake up filled with bliss and gratitude for waking up healthy another day. Waking up filled with chaos and negative thoughts beating you up from within having you live in misery and feelings of failing everyone and everything every day. What kind of life is that?
Yourself should be the most highly valued and most deeply loved person in your life and you should take perfect care of this home of yours. Be good. Be kind. Be your own best friend and your life will smile to you and you’ll gain so much energy and joy and laughter will fill your lungs and ears. Wonderful people who is in a good place as well will be thrown your way. What you are you attract. Feel it, give it, love yourself.
Self-love should be on the menu not only today but everyday.
Who are you celebrating with?
<3 Happy Valentines Day From Me <3
Much Love & Hearts Will Come Your Way.
Perhaps you'll feel it?
** Update **
So random, but right after I wrote this I turned on my favorite podcast and you know what? It was about self love. You should definitely check it out if this is something you need to practice which it probably is cause we all should continue reminding ourself on this every day.
Here it is "Shawn Stevenson(The Model Health Show) on "How Your Level Of Self-Love Impacts Your Health, Happiness, And Success".
We all know by now I guess (hopefully you do) how damaging stress it to both your brain and you body. There is no worse "disease trigger" actually, well, except aging of course. It breaks your neurons down and shut don your immune and internal organ system and it has your cells age faster and even kill them. You can read more about that here.
For about 9 years now I've been allergic to stress. One day, I decided, I can not do this anymore. «This tears my body down too much in such a young age, how will this affect me in the long run? With this lifestyle I wont survive until I'm 100 (or longer which is my wish).» I just couldn't accept that kind of future and I couldn't bare with the present state of mind and physical body. I was so stressed out that I simply couldn't cope with life. I was completely handicapped. So I decided, stress is way too dangerous to keep carrying in my body and it will destroy me if I do. Most likely get me killed. And, I, I wont let it.
And from that day on, I took control. I became the captain of my mind, the editor or author if you wish(to give a visual image). I claimed full control and the CEO position of my mind, really. Of course it took sometime to change and develop new habits and thinking patterns to stop avoiding my body creating that poison and pumping it out through my veins. But in a few months I managed and it haven't entered since. If I can feel tendencies to it, something in my environment or mind is on the wrong track and I study everything in detail to figure it out. Most times it's an obvious cause, so I kinda know quite easily what it might be because both my gut and intuition has a good overview at this point. What I do then is the following, I take action to have it go away as quickly as possible and start questioning myself and observe my daily habits, body language, eating pattern. Am I exercising enough? Am I eating too much sugary foods? Is it work? Or a situation at work? Or is it personal? A new friend? Or lover? Sleeping enough? Have I've been seeing grateful and inspiring people lately? Had any meaningful conversations or have I been mostly alone the past days and weeks? What is really on my mind? I'm studying every thought passing by, if there is some negativity in there that causes it, its time to switch that up with a positive one. Whats the gift in this negative though or the cause of the negative thought? Whats the instructions it gives me? Why is it there in the first place? Whats the opposite thought of this, what really is the positive in this thing? You can always, always find a reason of why this thought or event is a gift. I assure you. And mostly it is the guidance towards a better you who is the answer, but you'll always find what it concerns if you just give it some thoughts. But, I mean, nervousness before you enter a stage to do some public speaking, or do a presentation, or before a date or such things to me that is not considered stress. Thats just actually a healthy adrenaline shot that makes you more alert and focused, really. Or, at sometimes it can also blank you out, like it did with me the other day when I had the presentation on stage in front of 250. Haha. So, nervousness is just good, it doesn't last for too long either. Of course, if you're constantly trembling of nervousness thats not too beneficial for the neither the brain nor the body.
So, No entry in this body, stress. Has always been my policy. Until lately. Ive been thinking is all kinds of stress really bad? It's been a question in the back of my mind for a few weeks now. But haven't given it much thought really, hasn't even occured to me to google it. But, all of a sudden, I click play on the most recent podcast episode by Shawn Stevenson at the Model Health show, and guess what. Here's the title to have you understand:
Stress Activated Foods, Intermittent Fasting, & The Principles Of Stress - With Ori Hofmekler
Wtf, right there, on a silverspoon delivered straight into my mouth I got some answers to the question. Thanks universe!
"Stress can be ruthless. It’s a silent assassin that can break down your brain, screw up your internal organs, and pack fat onto your body. But… That’s only one face of stress. Stress can also be invigorating. It’s capable of making you more physically fit, biologically stronger, and literally keep your brain decades younger. So, how in the world can it be so good, yet so treacherous at the same time? Today we’re going to dissect the value of stress to maximize the benefits, and minimize the potential downfalls."
So it got me thinking, have I been missing out on something? Hm.. The right kind of stress is magically enough beneficial. I wish it was called something else though as I see stress as a relativily negative word. Excitement. Yeah, thats better. Not healthy stress but excitement. I am and always shall be excited to be alive.
What do you think about the concept of healthy stress? Is it really beneficial? Would you name it something else?
**Note; I might at some point write an in depth analytical post about this topic do not know when though so do not keep your expectations for that on default. **
Changing your thinking pattern for the better can be a rough job as we, human beings, are hard wired to survive, meaning we are constantly on the hunt looking for some dangerous and negative things that can hurt us. That's how our ancient brain was made to think, if we want to be happy, new neural pathways needs to be created. This, you can only train yourself to attain. Treat your brain like a muscle and exercise it to the point of a deep constant knowing, feeling and sensation of content and gratitude. Yes, this is possible.
And, when other people manage to do this you can too.
It can start as simple as this;
When something that seems bad in the moment happens to you, how often do you ask yourself what is the gift in this? And.. How do you even know that an event occurring to you really is negative?
Because it doesn't have to be. Failure, unfavorable, big and small mistakes, heartbreaks, illness, a bad email or phone call, or someone talking behind your back, someone bullying you, being broke, or saying something ludicrous and ridiculous to another person, or simply not getting what you want etc. Whatever you can think of that makes you not feel good about yourself. When you think about what happened, replace all depressing, frustrating, angry, thoughts with:
"What are the teachings, whats the guidance coming out from this? Really, what is the gift in this?"
Just do it. Let me know how it goes. Keep doing it. Because everything is really a gift, I might sound religious if being a kind and grateful person is what you associate with religion (which is absurd in the first place). Life itself is a gift and we all need guidance to get better at being who we are supposed to be and to serve ourself, others and earth as we are supposed to. So follow the signs to become a better human by saying, what is the gift in all of this?
all of a sudden I remembered that I didn't post my showreel here. So about time!
I got it a month ago, it's a feel good one. Have a look for yourself :D What do you think?
Photo from the episode when I met amazing Kari Schibevaag in Lofoten.
The video photo is from the live talkshow I hosted with Anders Lier, Silvija Seres and Elin Nørve as guests.
Just don't.. don't go shopping.
Yesterday evening I was one of the lucky handpicked ones invited to watch the pre-screening of Erik Poppes new movie "Per Fugellis siste resept". And WOW, what a stunning experience. Exactly what I needed. Beauty. Rawness. Life. Erik Poppe was there himself, the whole film crew and everyone participating in the movie, including Pers wife Charlotte. This movie was so powerful that I believe most people had a few salty tears running down their cheeks. This kind of love story and celebration to life you have to
The screening took place in Per's and Charlottes neighbourhood Grønnland, and beautifully enough the Grønnland kirke was the place it was shown.
Pretty uncomfortable chairs though but the event surpassed it all.
You might think why I was invited to this special screening, right? Well, just to let you know.. I actually was interviewed by Erik Poppe on film for potential use in the movie. I got cut out though, as all the other interviews did, but my name remain in the credits. If you just look to the end you'll find my name; Yrja Lothe. Not my full name but fine, what can you expect :P
The movie is all about Per Fugellis last days, he was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, and has been dying since. His last 1,5 years is now documented in this movie. Slowly but surely you see him fall.. All the way to the end. So raw, so honest, so brave. Lets give a round of applause to the modesty of him and his wife for sharing their life in the most vulnerable times. We, the audience will forever be grateful for this piece of art that we all can relate to in some way. We all know someone who has died or has an experience of losing someone and seing life at its harshest. I bet all of Norway will watch this movie.
One thing that had me react though was that the whole crew were men. When the movie was over the people behind the movie was asked to come onto the stage to get some credits and applause. 6 men walked onto the stage, and the wife of Per Fugelli. Wtf? It made me a bit sick knowing that this movie had no female perspective at all and had me lose a bit of my respect towards the crew and movie itself. What was even weirder was that he called two foreign girls onto the stage that features in the film for like 30 seconds, saying he hadn't seen them since that moment but would like to have them come to the stage. That was a bit odd though, what was the agenda with that? Just so that there could be a girls and diversity next to all the male people? That was just funny and bizzare. Kinda embarassing. What was the agenda? Just having him not looking way to #metooish? Trying to save him from people thinking that? Nope, didn't work. Way too corny, he would get better off without. Unprofessional after my opinion
.Anyways, perhaps you don't even have any idea who this magical man Per Fugelli is, is so; he was norwegian philosopher, physician, writer and doctor. And was a frequent contributor to the public debate on health and medical questions. He is famously known for his wise life quotes. Whenever he opens his mouth some golden words about existence flows out. He is real, raw, hones and open, the way he explains human life itself. He looks a things with humour and optimism but is surely brutally realistic.
A man I share mostly the same perspective on life with. Which is why I like him so much.
We need to take care of and serve each other. And not take life so seriously. Live, enjoy, love!
Is his core saying.
Is there such a thing as past lives? Have you ever thought of this as a possibility? Can you see yourselves in a different life? Perhaps you've had any weird visions coming to you that you can not seem to get a grip on why it's happening? Like a glimpse of feeling or memories, which you know didn't happen? Perhaps something that has been following you for your whole life? Have you ever met someone that you simply know you've met them before but which isn't the case? Or met someone you have a really really deep connection or belonging too when you really are strangers to eachother in this life?
Even though most people find it quite funny and hard to belive, I've always known deep within that there must be something to this "past life thing" some religious, spiritual and freaky people are talking about. There is no way that it's provable yet but perhaps in the future? We still do know very little of science and how it all is put together; this life, our minds, the universe and beyond. We even use only 10 % of our brain some people say, and we know even less of how it works than that.
My logical part of the brain, the part that is shaped by our society, of course are in doubt of all this but the wise and intuitive part of me knows it is true.. in a way.. If the flashes I see and the people I believe were a part of my previous life is real? Wow.. That would be just so magical if it really was true.. But at the moment it's just such vague visions. Why, why aren't the memories clear?
One day we will be able to figure it out, it might just take years and years, centuries, thousands of years. Perhaps AI will prove its true but we won't believe it cause we won't still be able to understand the way they show it to us?
I've never read much about it and never been interesting doing so, but perhaps that time has come to learn more? I also know this lady who claims to be able to do past life regression, help me go back in time and remember. A fortune teller.. What if she is really able to do so? Perhaps I should give it a try? I'm tempted. I'll update this post later if I do so.
Some friends of mine went to this fortune teller and what she said blew their minds. It was so accurate that it was not impossible being fake. This woman knew nothing about them before they came. Not even their names. She then told my friend exactly how both of his patents died. What the fuck? This guy is from Australia, there is no way to find this kind of info online etc. I’ve also been to a fortune teller, she knew nothin of me but used her tarot cards to litterally tell me who I was and tell me my story. I didnt open my mouth once, just in awe and astonishment.
Anyways, since I was a child And for as long as I can remember I’ve had these visuals and sensations of me waliking quietly in a forest at night on a brown horse. Its super quiet and I’m carefully looking and listening for potential dangers. I’ve always got a hunch from this being a past life. Being a spy in te woods or something, in the medieval ages or whenever. I have no idea but far back in the times. Pretty interesting, right? And, another thing following me like this is whenever I see or walk past a dog I see and feel it jump up and bite my left tigh, like real hard and not letting go. Quite a terrifyinh sight and perception. Thats why Ive never been to fond of dogs cause this memory is so strong and weirdly enough it hasn’t happen in this life. its the same with dark sea water. I’ve always been fearful of it. And ive never enjoyed going to the beach. And ive never understood why this is the case. That whenever I think of the dark sea I see this storm and dark blu scary water just waiting to eat me. I’m not afraid of drowning or anything ts just this strong weird sensation that intensly crawls back in an instant. Thats basically some of the stronges super natural sensation thats been a part of me forever and wont let go. And I believe the dog and the deep sea might be extreme experiences from past lives. So strong that I possibly died from it. I died from that dog biting me or leaving me with an infected wound. And on the deep see I drowned. I do not have any negative experiences with the visuals from the woods. Those are super positive and brings with them exitement whenever they enter my head and body. What do you guys think? Why do I have these continuous experiences poping into my head and body?
They say that not everyone has lived several lives before this one but many of us have.
There are also at least two people I feel Ive been connected to for many lives or whatever one can call it. perhaps just across time and space, that our atoms belong togethet or something might also be a thought. Oh well. Perhaps I got too supernatural in this post. But I find it kinda interesting. Eagerly waiting for quantum physics to tell the truth.
All this might also be an explanation of multiple universes. Or just be our molecules touching other peoples lives throughouy history. Or what do you think? Is it just nonsense?
There is a thought thats been crossing my mind.. All the people that feel they are born in the wrong body witht wrong sex. What if they in their previous life were the opposite sex and they were so attached to their physical body in that life that their unconsiciousness did’t manage to let it go when they were reborn anew? That Something within just cant manage to rewire? oh well..
Dette innlegget er egentlig en fortsettelse på å få ut min frustrasjon fra forrige post.
På et vis så prøver vi alle å redde oss selv, men det er dem som kun bryr seg om seg og sitt også stopper det der. Helt greit at man passer på seg selv og skaper et godt fundament for eget liv, det er helt essensielt det, men man lever på en klode full av masse, masse mennesker og et samfunn som må gå rundt. Da vil jeg si at det er hver og ens plikt å være et godt menneske. Et menneske som stiller opp, tar ansvaret som ligger på alle våre skuldre og hjelper til å bære. Man kan ikke bare forvente at andre skal gjøre jobben, at andre skal holde hjulene i gang, at alle andre skal fikse problemene og utfordringene vi står ovenfor. At alle andre skal redde en når man ber om hjelp.. Men omvendt, det er det ikke snakk om.
"Vi som redder oss selv"
Det er flere som meg. Min kategori er ikke ukjent, snarere normalen.
Det er vi som har det godt, men er ulykkelige innvendig.
Oss som smiler, ler og gjør helt vanlige ting, men som bærer på en meningsløs tomhet og lever i uvisshet om hvordan å fylle rommet.
Vi som ikke klarer å finne mening, i mangel på perspektiv, kunnskap og visdom.
Vi som ikke er nysgjerrige nok til å leve.
Det er oss som klager og ikke tenker større enn oss selv. Vi som ikke ønsker, eller rett og slett ikke bryr oss om å gjøre verden til et bedre sted. Vi som gir faen i alt og alle andre enn oss selv, vår familie og nære venner. Vi som gir blaffen, men forventer at andre og samfunnet stiller opp, gjør jobben og tar seg av alle utfordringer.
Det er vi som klamrer oss til vårt ego og styres av tanker og følelser.
Vår kategori ikke ukjent, vi er normalen. Og lenge leve.
Make it my way.. Please?
Sometimes I (pretty sure I could have used we here) just wish life could go my way. Then meaning; everything I want to see come true did.
But then again that would be too complex, I guess...Imagine if anyone could decide anything. Wow. Complete chaos. Nothing would be in order. Or if so is to be the case there really has to be multiple universes.
Perhaps there is? Maybe what I unconsciously want to happen is what happens? Perhaps this is my universe? And everything just goes how the universe wants for me? And my mum has her owns and sister has hers..etc.. In one way thats how it works, on a small small scale. We all live in our own bubbles (simulated by others?).
...Stop, enough hovering...
Since I was a child I've had one mission. To help people. On the scale that is actually achievable for me at the given time. That is why I try to treat everyone I meet physically and virtually with respect, love, kindness and openness. At least I wont be the one putting gasoline on their pile of misery.
I'm in a situation at the moment where I wish to see another outcome happen but I am afraid I'll be waiting around for ever. It seems like there is no way that I can change this situation. This is a person who is incredibly ill and by now there is no longer any way for me to help out. There is no way I can make his life better. I've done my very best.
And I have now come and must come to this devastating conclusion of just letting the whole thing go by accepting his faith in this life. Sadly just because of the people that he is surrounded by he will forever be ill and perhaps end up with dementia in the age of 40. I have done whatever I could. Of course I could do more but I am fighting against a system so powerful that I will be broken no matter what. I'm fighting towards his illness, family and girlfriend to save him. I will and have already been crushed. I just have to accept that a vegetative state is his home. He is becoming a vegetable and will stay so until dementia eats him all up. To swallow something like that is not easy. Especially since this is someone I care deeply about. If he had resourceful, loving and caring people around him, this would never happen. He might have been well functioning and happy right now if that was the case. But it isn't. He is going down the rabbit hole and so is my faith in humanity. Luckily that last one is about to be restored because I see that it's just a fraction of people who acts inhuman. People living in denial are the destroyers of love. The ones who makes this earth a terrible place to be. But how is this even possible? Their child and brother is suffering like crazy and they do nothing but look the other way and trying to cover up traces? Like locking him away from civilisation, hoping for no one to find out? Wait What?
Accepting and swallowing this is really hard. Because I know that it if wasn't for those people he would probably be all good and well enough today. I need to let go because it is destroying my brain. Eating me up from within. I feel guilty to just let this go, to not care anymore, not even mentally, it doesn't feel good. I want to help. But I have to accept his faith and that there is nothing more I can do. This life was not for him. Perhaps the next one is his. Or perhaps he is even living in another universe at this time. I gotta use my imagination to create a dreamy happy explanation to why this happens. His life will be better next time. Yes?
Swallow the fact and move on. This is your life. And you apparently can not save everyone you want. Lessons learned, somethings you can change and the other ones one need to be wise enough to accept and just leave it all behind.
Lets take a deep breath.. and let it go..
Trying to be romantic and stay positive regardless, so I’m adding the video below just to try to laugh.
There is so much talk about New Years Resolutions every year, and then later in January it turns out that most people failed already after a few weeks on what they planned for. Which would at least make me feel like a big fiasco for the rest of the year. At least not hope for things that's impossible for you to achieve. Simply, be realistic, be honest. Who am I, what can I handle? What does my mind allow me to finish through? How much willpower do I have? What kind of habits? Thinking pattern? Etc. Questions are essentials to figure out a few goals. Planning to work out 5 days a week if you do not work out at all until now, is a complete disaster. For sure that ain't gonna happen, perhaps for a few weeks, or even months, but then.. You'll slip and become a huge mistake to yourself and stay disappointed and the negative thoughts pulling you down will creep in on you. Not only that.. But people mostly talk about what concerns THEM. What they are going to do for themselves this year. I rarely hear anyone say, I'm gonna be more kind to others, smile to more people, I'm gonna hug people more, treat everyone with respect, be helpful and of service to others and such things. Of course we all live in our own bubble, but come on, we all know that this is not reality! Me! Me! Me.. Seriously? I live in Norway though, I believe the Me culture is stronger here than anywhere else, and in the western in general the ego culture is still in charge.
I can't wait to live in a world where people have larger than themselves new years resolutions, and not only for the new year but for life. Life philosophies, life goals, and resolutions that concerns others but themselves. Like, be more loving, help people who asks for help, have more coffee meetings with people asking for advice, give away the stuff I don't need to the poor. Etc..
I have goals for this year within the fields of my career, physical and mental wellbeing, social circle and relationships next to continue and if be even more kind, grateful, thankful, loving, helpful and respectful, curious and open towards others and situations that happens. And by others I do not mean only human beings, I mean, all living beings, nature, earth and the universe. We are all one and can not exist without each other. Well. Living beings, nature, earth and universe can exist without us, but for sure.. If none of these things wouldn't be around.. We wound't either(why are we so cruel when we know we're dependent on what we are destroying?). So you get what I mean? And by situations that happen, I mean that there is a gift in everything. Either negative or positive situations comes with a gift of instructions. Those instructions will guide you towards a better version of yourself mentally or physically or both which again will benefit everyone.
I said this to a random guy at work, or I said that I was going to continue and be even more kind, thankfull etch.. To that he simply said, "well that seems pretty religious to me with a negative loaded voice." Wait what? Being a good person you symbolise with being religious which you also not are and think of negatively? Oh my god, society what have we done to have a person grow up to behold such beliefs?
I responded that I am not a religious person (I dont know if I can call myself one at all? I believe in the universe and a higher intelligence but it's not related to any religion and I do not like the word spiritual either..) but to me its about being a good citizen, being a good person for others and for myself. Which all in all makes my life and others in my presence better. If I can make one person feel better near me that is magic. If I can change someones day or life that makes my heart so warm. I did not say the last sentence but anyways he said he was kind to others just to benefit himself, so that they wouldn't talk bad about him or so when he might be in need of something they would treat him kindly too. Here you go, the me culture again. Seriously. I can not wait until this kind of mental behaviour and consciousness switch.
All that aside, 2018 is gonna be GREAT. I have a really good feeling for 2018!
So, what is your new year resolution?
Merry Christmas y'all! Joyeux Nöel! Feliz Navidad! God Jul! And such..
There are so many ways to greet Christmas. And there are so many ways to deal with this Christly Holiday.
How we, them Oftedahls, do it is just the same procedure as every year (to frase "Grevinnen og Hovemesteren", which is a famous video clip everyone loves to watch the 23rd..............................). Which I find a bit sad and funny at the same time cause I can't separate not even one Christmas from the other besides the ones when I was younger and we celebrated at a nice winter hotel the whole week with my fathers family. And I also remember the times when we celebrated at grandmas place in Florø but thats like 16 years ago I think.. Anyhow, its a nice way of doing it.. Although I really dislike that all my Christmas memories end up in one small basket of porridge in my mind.
I'm super grateful that I got my whole family in good shape and health and that we all can celebrate together.
(It's also forever gonna be a puzzle to me why we Norwegians still celebrate christian traditions, when none of us Norwegians really are truly religious. Just to add in a random thoughts)
Anyhow, we celebrate being together and eating LOADS of food just like majority of people in Norway. This year we were opening presents for 3 long hours. Which is sad an not ok after my opinion. Frustrating to look at. Instead of long and deep and meaningful conversations I'm left drained with energy only 1 hour in.
Why can't we just celebrate each other, the love we all carry for one another? Instead of wasting time on things that doesn't matter in the moment? We leave the party and still do not know one bit more about the other people than we already knew.
Well at least, all of the family is together under one roof and we all are perfectly healthy. Really, I've got not reason to complain. I just wish we could be a bit more.. Humble, sustainable and loving towards the whole wide world instead.
My dream Christmas would either be to travel with the whole family, donate all the money usually spent on gifts to research in stead, on longevity research, or to gather at a large venue and invite immigrants and poor people and other people and have this huge celebration of love. Where EVERYONE is welcome. One day. This is something I'd like to start doing. Cause all the gifting and stress and expectations all people have makes me SICK. Its LOVE that we are supposed to celebrate. I cant wait until this is what is the norm in our society.
One gift each would be more than enough. And what would be better was if that we traded stuff that we already had, stuff that I got tired of might please my sister.
There are so many ways to celebrate Christmas that would make me way less embarrassed.
I guess its soon time for me to arrange christmas where I set the rules.
Where the zone is completely stressfree, one gift for all, and deep meaningful conversations will rule the whole evening. Not some random bullshit like we always do, and end up leaving the party and holiday without even know ONE more tiny bit of each other. I've left Stavanger now, and I still have NO clue on how my mother, father, siblings, grandparents and my aunt and her familys year went, what was meaningful to them, what did they enjoy the most, what did they learn, did they regret anything, what was the most wonderful they experienced, and the worst... etc... and I'd lso like to hear what they wish for and plan for in 2018.
What does a merry Christmas mean to you ? Do you have lots of expectations? What is a dream Christmas for you? And does reality ever live up to your expectations?
Merry Merry Merry Christmas. Enjoy spending time with the people you love and try embrace every minute with gratitude.
This week, on Tuesday to be exact, what appears to be most peoples worst nightmare happened to become real. It became my reality. The most annoying thing is that I didn't even see it coming. Totally unexpected. It didn't cross my mind once as a possibility. Which is why it probably did happen.
Beware; if you're ready to feel embarrassed and anxious on my behalf you can continue reading, if you're not in the mood for those kinds of feelings simply leave my site or scroll further down to the next post.
I really just write this piece because writing it all out works therapeutic to me, and I also belive that some people might find it helpful to know that the worst of the worst can happen to anyone. And knowing that someone that usually is super comfortable around all kinds of people flunked so completely might be relieving to think of when it's your turn on stage.
Well, let's get into it.
A month ago my boss asked me to perform a two minute pitch at an event where all the co-working spaces in Oslo was supposed to gather to tell each other what we're all doing so that we can get to know one another. It was arranged by Oslo Business Region at Ingensteds. (Btw for the past month I've been working at a super nice co-working space in the midst of Oslo Centrum which recently opened. Its called Spaces and it's a global concept with 60 locations all over the world. I love it. I love the people and I love the place)
Fine I sad, and was thinking that it was a month until that event and that for sure I would manage to toughen up until then (interestingly enough I read at Tim Urbans blog wait but why the number one fear people have is public speaking, and then death comes second. ) What she didn't know was that this would be the first time I would ever be on stage talking in front of 250 people. And I wasn't sure how to deal with it. And most importantly; could I deal with it? I've been speaking for smaller crowds which I kind of enjoy (while speaking about something I am really passionate about) but this was by far my first big experience. And I'd never ever pitched Spaces before. How the fuck could I do this? I put it all away in my head, postponing that this was even going to happen, until a few days before the happening.
Even when I wrote my script I actually didn't feel nervous or anything and was pretty sure I was gonna do all fine. Sadly enough I didn't worry at all.
I love talking in front of people, or rightly put; I've always been dreaming of being a public speaker, because I know that once I break the fear barrier I'm gonna love it. I would even love to sing in front of people, If someone just taught me to sing properly.. of course..
Anyhow...What the fuck was I supposed to say? I've been working at Spaces for 1,5 months and only part time, so in total not even for a month. My boss and one other girl pitches
the space every day with potential new clients.. Now why ME? Of course I was flattered bc of her belief in me and I couldn't be more grateful.. But I really think I should be getting some help here. But sure, I didn't dare asking for that either.. Cause I was sure I was going to nail it anyhow even though being pretty unsure about how to communicate the whole concept from beginning with. It's a huge international company with strict policies on everything, so I did not want to screw it up.. perhaps that also put a real pressure on me...
Well you might already be bored off by reading at this point so maybe I should jump to the 40 minutes before I was about to enter the stage.
Before arriving I felt pretty content. I knew the script by heart. Even though the day before I had to rewrite it all because my boss had lots to say on what to say.. (I for sure wish she had given me these notes earlier, but oh well). And that 6pm the day before I open my email and figured out that I was to do everything in english as well? WHAT THE FUCK? And indeed the whole script didn't feel natural to me to say.. That might be one of the reason it all got messed up as well...
So when I entered venue I realised it was a large room filled with loads of people I saw this enormous stage. With huge lights pointed on it.. WTF? Oh man.. not prepared for this.. Not mentally prepared for this environment at all.
When the whole pitching process began and one by one entered the stage I slightly started trembling and it escalated.. Quickly.. I felt my palms getting all sweaty... Damn it.. They were all such great speakers all the people talking before me. Their english were excellent and they looked so calm and happy... What the heck is wrong with me?
The audience was mainly filled with people I know from the startup community, people whom I have a well known reputation with and am very well liked and respected. So why so anxious? This should be an easy crowd? Or was it because this was my friends and potential colleagues that I became this tense? Perhaps it would have been easier if there were really nothing to lose. And.. Why should I lose something anyways?
"Next up... Yrja from SPACES!"
Shoot... Me... I managed to climb on stage and started opening my mouth, a few words came out.. But then. I realised that the lights were far to bright and I couldn't see anyone in the crowd.. and... In an instant.. My head turned black. I blanked out. I. Blanked. Out. On. Stage. Wtf? All out of nowhere my body didn't respond and my mental wellbeing got completely out of place. Seriously, I couldn't get a word out. And then I realised fuck I only have like 1 minute left on this stage, there is not even a spare second to be used to calm myself down.
Feverishly I scouted for familiar faces in the crowd, anyone there to calm me down??? No one. Not one single person could I see. It was way too dark. And I had no notes and no slides. Nothing that could pull me back to the present moment and make me deliver. I was doomed.
All I wanted was to pass out... But that I couldn't do either. That would just look way too weird and even below my comfort zone.. I'd rather run of as quickly as possible after saying at least something.
Then, desperately I managed to find some words to squeeze out "I'm a bit nervous..." And then.. I stood there for a bit longer before someone said "wooohooo" And then everyone started clapping. And I mean, I REAL roundup applause. The audience couldn't scream and clap enough. They all wished me well and I guess they were all filled with the same anxiousness as me... Poor people :P
Well, all PR is good PR? Isn't it so? At least I made an impression I guess as humans remember better when feelings are attached, and especially negative ones :P
Literally this was the most awkward moment in a long time. So, so annoying... Blanking out was far out of my imagination so I was not prepared. Shame on me. It was basically my fault. If I had just not pre-visualised all possible outcomes in such a situation I would be at least as cleaver as to bring a few notes to get me back on track. Too foolish really.
«When you said you were nervous it didn't make sense to me cause you seemed like you had full control up there and enjoyed it» people said to me afterwords... what went wrong? Oh well, lets not dwell with it no more but I'm pretty sure this happened to me because of the teachings coming with it and because of my ignorance and dumbness of not being focused enough and taking the task seriously.
You know what, the weirdest thing of it all was that I actually saw a movie the night before where someone ended up blanking out on stage but luckily the main person in the movie was a time traveler so he could go back in time and fix it.. It might have affected my sub consciousness. Then again, I think it was a good thing it happened to me and not another person. I'm not dealing with things so seriously and my feelings related to it will disappear in not to long.
But if I could stimulate my neurones to a point where I could erase this memory from my head and everyone elses head I would do It right away. Wouldn't I? The best would be if I could simply just erase it from all the people watching's head. Or go back in time and do it all over again. Because than I could get the teachings that came out of it even though living with the flashes of visuals and feelings from the accidents will continue to run into me pretty strongly and often for the next weeks and months perhaps and even for years it will stay there. Yikes, I messed up my inner life. Well, I think I can deal with it. I'll just pretend no one were actually watching me fail.
And after all, I'd rather see this happening than having anyone in my family or close friends get ill.
So, whats the whole gift about this event? As usual when weird things happen, the instruction that comes out of it. So what are they?
- Always bring slides, OR notes, especially always notes in your hand if you've got nothing else.
- You rock no matter what
- If you loose, it breath and take your time and just say SOMETHING.
I'm glad it happened to me as Im not a person who seldom get bothered by things happening, what people think of me etc... Even though some random visuals flash through my head every now and then I'm sure that if I was an insecure person it would be soooo much worse. So I spared y'all out there. Took one for the team...........
And damn what a story! Finally I have a relatable funny story to tell in company with others. Can't wait to shout it out on me and a friends new podcast that will be launching in January. #excited
All though I kinda lost the public speaking game this time. To me, it might have (just to pacify myself to the fullest) A win the hard difficult way?
What a way to put an ending to 2017!?
Cheers to fresh beginnings in 2018.
And good luck to you next time you will be speaking!
Lets to this! 2018, bring me more of public speaking gigs, please!